


Auspisticizing: What Not To Do, Maybe.

by roundandtalented



Category: Homestuck
Genre: ... horribly self indulgent but its for the kinkmeme..., Anal Sex, Double Penetration, M/M, Multi, Poly too I guess??, Quadrant Confusion, Threesome - M/M/M, and a non-con scare of sorts, can i tag this as that? I guess I will. /:, doing ashen romance incorrectly, is this an appropriate time to say 'yolo'?, mild violence?, mild xeno, oh gosh. okay. wow. my first fic on here and these are the tags. yep., oop. theres some oral too.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-08 05:47:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/439824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roundandtalented/pseuds/roundandtalented
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for the KinkMeme.</p>
<p>Prompt: "ashen romance/smut with Karkat Auspisticing between Sollux and Eridan."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Auspisticizing: What Not To Do, Maybe.

You can hear them still. 

You're about half way through 'A young female green blood is pursued by both a rainbow drinker and a brown blood for matespritship, wherein the rainbow drinker and brown blood fall into a violent kismesissitude. featuring three onscreen kisses, four battles, one humorous pail scandal involving woofbeasts and a detailed scene of the horrific mating rituals used by rainbow drinkers.', and you hear a thump against the wall. There's supposed to be a very tender, emotional scene taking place on your screen between the green blood and her lusus, but the hydro flickers and you hear Eridan yelp through the drywall. Something clatters to the floor a moment later. Sollux starts screaming about his bees- Eridan has apparently upset them- and the floor shakes enough that your tower of DVDs wobbles. 

Your head crashes into the cushion next to you on the plush seating area as you face-plant in order to quiet yourself.

You hear another shriek, a rip of fabric and then silence. 

The green blood on screen is pouting in her respite block for what has to be the hundredth time this film, and you're suddenly very concerned as to why everything next door is soundless. It shouldn't be. If they're quiet, it means something isn't right, because Eridan never shuts up.

Part of you wants to be thankful for their silence; you really didn't want to hear them pail twice in one day, especially with Eridan being such a loud troll. But your bloodpusher reminds you by speeding up in concern that they are both your friends, and for them to be quiet something must be wrong. You wouldn't want either of them to get seriously hurt, and their black romance is rough on the best of days. You've been afraid for them a while now, more so for Eridan despite how surprisingly strong that pompous douche is. Sollux has always been sort of an accident waiting to happen. He's a danger to himself, let alone his kismesis. 

With an irritated sigh, you pause your movie. Troll Kristin whatsherface and her ' _I'm 7 sweeps old and depressed about nothing- feel pity for me_ ' terribad acting can wait. You try not to walk too fast, but you end up sort of scampering to your door, telling yourself the entire way that you just didn't hear them leave Sollux's block. By the time you get to his door, your bloodpusher is hammering in your chest. You knock lightly, because they're totally out right now, but you hear shuffling inside and you chew your lip with worry.

It takes about three much harder slams of your fist against the door before you hear Sollux call at you from the other side, his voice more scratchy than usual.

"Go away KK, we're buthy!"

We. _we_. Why is Eridan not making noise.

"I'm coming in!" You announce and you hear something tip over inside, Sollux spitting a curse just before you fling open the door.

The scene you find yourself in is one you never want to see again.

As it turns out, the material ripping was Eridan's scarf. Its not his usual one, as that one is something he knit himself. This one is of a cheaper material that is apparently still quite strong. Half of it is tied tightly around Eridan's arms, holding both of them behind his back, his slightly webbed fingers grazing his elbows as he grasps for anything. The other half is being used as a makeshift gag, which explains his silence. There's a red and blue ring of energy around each of the sea-dweller's ankles, keeping his legs apart on the plush pailing platform, which you have a hunch Eridan purchased, judging by the colour.

Bondage is an okay thing, you think. So is psionicplay. Just about anything is an okay thing to have a kink for, so long as your pailing partner is okay with it.

Judging by the soft violet tears on Eridan's cheeks, and the way his eyes dart to you, pleading the moment you've stepped within sight of them, both parties are not entirely keen on this.

Fuck, if you weren't ashen for them before, you sure are now.

Sollux appears to be torn between being downright pissed at you, and embarrassed because he's got his pants half way down his thighs and twin bulges out in one hand- huh. And here all growing up you'd thought he'd been bluffing.

"KK, get the fuck out of here!" He spits at you, moving to try and tuck himself back in but struggling.

"No! I'm taking him out of here."

"What?! Why?" The fact that he's genuinely unaware of how bad this situation is makes you want to lash out at him so very badly, but you manage to keep yourself from verbally flipping the fuck out. You like to think you've out grown the temper tantrums and screaming matches... you're not sure everyone agrees with you.

"Because this isn't a healthy relationship, and you can't even take your head out of your ass long enough to fucking see that." You start towards the platform, and he jumps between you and his quadrant.

"Who are you to judge our kithmithitude?" He's got at least a whole head on you height wise, but he's maybe half your width. His two-toned, crackling eyes meet yours and you know he's going to be upset when he clues in because, fuck, he's Sollux. He's your best friend and he knows he's better than this.

"His bulge isn't even out Sollux." He bares his teeth at you, jaw clenched and lips raised as if he wants to snarl. "He's terrified, not turned on, you fuckwit." 

He opens his mouth to argue, but you narrow your eyes at him and he shuts it again, hiding his mess of regrown fangs inside. When he turns around, your eyes follow, and you spot the violet smears and lines across the sea-dweller's chest. There's a rather gruesome bite mark in the hunk of muscle between Eridan's neck and shoulder that appears to be leaking quite a bit of blood. 

Kismesis relationships can be rougher than matesprits when it comes to pailing, you've seen enough smutfilms to know that- but this seems way over the top. Especially for two of your best friends.

"A kismesis is about competing, and besting the other. About striving to better yourself." You push a hand through your hair, watching him hurry over to untie Eridan's arms.

"I... Thit, ED, I... Fuck." 

He removes the gag and Eridan sucks in an unhindered gulp of air, new tears falling. While Eridan crying isn't really a new thing, the nervousness that shows in his eyes as Sollux helps him sit up worries you a bit. You join the two of them on the platform, a hand on Eridan's bare leg.

"You two dickwads need to slow down."

Eridan sniffles and sends a watery glare over to the mustardblood on your right, who can't even meet your eyes right now. Good.

"You need to slow down before you do worse than this. Before you seriously hurt each other."

"But Kar, he-" Eridan's wobbly voice stops when you shoot him a look.

"Takes two in a kismesis, fishboy. You egg each other on and work each other up into a misled, scratching, punching, nearly electrocuting frenzy! I can hear you clearly, despite my wall!"

Both of them go bright in the cheeks, but you're not done scolding yet. 

"This isn't a proper blackrom. This is just you two taking out your frustrations on one another in an uncivilized, completely brainless and barbaric method. You know what happens when kismesis relations get out of hand- Someone fucking dies. And both of you nooksniffing asshats mean way too much to me for me to just stand by and let that happen." 

You hear Eridan sniffle again on your left and look down as he places his hand in yours. His kismeisis- you don't even think you want to use that word for them right now- scoffs when he sees, but takes your other.

"I'm so fucking ashen for you shitheads right now, it hurts. It hurts me and scares the ever living fuck out of me to think that you might accidentally kill each other in a 'fit of passion' when I know this isn't even how you want to be. I want you to be happy. In hate even. But I don't want that to mean one of you getting maimed each time you attempt to fill a fucking bucket." You're afraid that if you meet either of their eyes, you'll start crying. Eridan already started up again, you feel his hand tremble a bit as he covers it with his other. Sollux just sighs, tired, embarrassed and with a sense of defeat.

"Kar, I think I'm a bit ashen for you too. Friends aren't a thing I got many of, but you've pulled me outa jams more than once with Sol," his normally full, musical voice sounds raw. That's likely Sollux's fault but you won't comment on it- Eridan needs to still have something right now. "I want you to be our Auspistice. I think we need you. An it would make me feel a lot better about bein' with Sol." He leans forward, cool forehead pressing to your left temple as the three of you sit on the pailing platform, perhaps a bit crowded on the plush space, but not really uncomfortably so. "I fuckin' hate him Kar. But I don't wanna loose 'im. I know we could be better, an you're awful good at this relationship crap. I mean, better than us, I think." He chuckles to himself, sounding rather sad. When he shifts closer to you, still clutching your hand, his head tilts up.

"What about you, Sol?"

When you look over to him, Sollux's red and blue eyes are a little wet, mustard yellow about to spill onto his cheeks. He wipes the back of his hand over them, chewing his lip.

"Yeah. I.. I don't want to thcrew up again. I can't. KK, we kind of really need you." Its only then that you notice Eridan isn't the only one with wound's, though Sollux's are less severe. His neck is littered with hickeys and pinprick scabs from earlier today, and he's missing a slice out of his left ear. There's a long, thin scar above his one eyebrow from a few weeks back, and his chest looks similar. He has a bite mark over his right hip that's marred with a bit of purple from Eridan's mouth.

They both look terrible, and they both need you pretty badly.

"Athen for you, KK."

"Yeah, Kar."

You sigh, the dread that weighed you down earlier lifting from your shoulders significantly.

"You two are fucking idiots, but we'll fix this, okay?"

As if they planned it and counted down to the moment- hell, they very well might have- they each kiss one of your cheeks and give your hands a squeeze.

You shuffle Eridan out of the room a few minutes later, having managed to get his pants back on him but unable to find his shirt. You refuse to let him wear one of Sollux's, despite how fucking adorable that would have been. If you're honest with yourself, you know Sollux likely would have let him without much of a hassle, but you figure the last thing they need today is to bring up the quadrant trouble that is so terribly visible to you. They're rocky now, going on pure aggression rather than black passion that once filled them. You don't want a possible flip starting more drama between them.

You get your violetblooded sea-dweller into your ablution trap, and tell him to wash himself off so you can stitch him up proper. He does as he's told, surprisingly compliant. You have a feeling he's just too tired to put up much of a fight.

When he peeks his head out into your respite block nearly an hour later, his hair is still dripping down onto his face, limp and wavy. As if you didn't already see him stark naked earlier today, he clutches a towel to him, trying to hide himself. You know he's a bit self conscious of his body. You don't blame him really, you can kind of understand. He's got meat on his bones though, where you're more the 'eats a bit too much popgrub when watching movies' type of build. He has other reasons for covering his body up though, and you see them as he finally sits down next to you while you try and finish your absolutely terrible film.

"Have ya ever stitched anythin' up before?" He asks you, violet eyes worried and searching your face. 

"Yeah, me. Lots of times." Its like he's totally forgotten how often you had to fight for your life before all these game shenanigans even started. He eventually nods, satisfied with your answer, and sheds the towel.

You go for the bite between his shoulder and neck first, since its right there and gaping open at you. You try not to wince as you watch his scarred up neck gills flutter in worry, sucking in air like his nostrils don't do a proper job. You know he's embarrassed by how damaged his gills are, both the ones on his neck and the ones by his ribs. Its a sign he fucked up a few times while hunting food for Feferi's lusus. They still work, you know he can swim fine still, but he's so obsessed with looking fabulous all the time he likes to hide them under clothes. 

You finish with the first stitches and move to putting some disinfectant on the cuts that litter his chest. You're not sure if these are claw marks or purposely there, but they've some how avoided each of the clusters of violet scales that pepper his skin. You know humans have similar markings called freckles, and some trolls think the blood coloured spots that dot over grey skin is very attractive. But of course Eridan sees every single one of them as just another flaw with his body. He won't even look at where you're dabbing because he knows you're admiring them.

You can't help it. Sollux has told you all about them and how Eridan even has them on his hips. Its another reason you know they're close to accidentally flipping to red- they talk about each other in the least hateful way when no one else is around but you. You've listened to both of them spew off how attractive the other is, cover it up with a declaration of hate, and then go awkwardly silent as if they were trying to decide if they themselves even believed it.

You get him to turn around on the couch for you, light in the room flickering with the action on the screen. Its all this awful blue hue and really, you don't think you'll make it through the sequel if its anything close to as bad as this one.

His back isn't as bad as his front. There's a few claw marks- where Sollux has held onto him a bit too tightly- and a couple dark purple bruises on his shoulder blades but nothing more. 

You dab at his hips, eyeing his scales with a small smirk. Purple in the cheeks and ear fins, Eridan let's you inspect under the hem of his boxers and eventually, the rest of him. He makes you promise not to tell Sollux he has ticklish ankle fins. You pinky swear, and he ends up falling asleep on your shoulder about five minutes before the movie ends.

.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
.

You sit cross-legged on their pailing platform a few nights later, watching them argue over music that Sollux has on his computer. They're pretty much looking for anything to start a decent fight over. The two of them haven't so much as gotten to grope each other since you stepped in the other night, and you know by this point Sollux must be dying- the sex drive on that troll terrifies you.

"Yeah, you _would_ listen to Strider's fuckin shit-for-mixes."

"What'th that thuppothed to mean?"

"You'd do anythin' for that scrawny human. You're holdin' a flush-crush for that little waste a space."

You scoff on the platform and you don't even care if they hear you. Sollux told you once that he had considered Strider for all of five seconds before deciding they were too alike to be in any quadrant together. Eridan's just a bit possessive. Sollux is too, but he's less verbal about it. You've seen him send glares at Feferi in the kitchen when she hangs off Eridan. At first you thought it was because she was someone he was interested in, but he turned her down when she asked if maybe he'd like to be red with her again as they had been a couple sweeps ago. That's when you remembered Eridan used to flush for her, and that it had been common knowledge that he'd wanted more than 'rails with her, but she'd turned _him_ down. That was the most memorable instance you can think of and the look in Sollux's two toned eyes that day had been burned into your memory. You'd bet any amount of currency that he hates how red he is for Eridan, and would hate even more to admit it if you asked. But you watch his eyes now, and there's a little spark of glee for Eridan's words. He goes along with the train of argument, but you know he likes where Eridan is coming from.

"You jealouth?"

Eridan sputters, but the way purple rises on his cheeks- you know he _so_ fucking is.

"No way. I got no reason t'be jealous of that idiot. If he wants you, he can go ahead an have the hassle!"

You let your face fall into your palm because Eridan, no, that's not how you- "s'not like you're much of a catch. I mean look at ya."

That must have stung Sollux a bit because you see all softness leave him. Well, you suppose you shouldn't be surprised. This is the quadrant they're officially in, no matter how much you know their bloodpushers aren't entirely with them on their decision.

"Maybe I'll take him black, thinthe he'd at leatht be more of a challenge than you are!"

Oh here we go.

"Like he'd have you black. Ha, that's a fuckin' laugh, Sol. You're not a challenge to him. He'd take pity on you long before he'd see you worthy of a challenge. Your sparks 've got nothin' on his time."

Sollux stands up fast enough to knock his chair over and away.

"Oh, like _you're_ a challenge? Who thayth I don't keep you around because you make a pretty bucket, huh?"

Eridan makes to punch him, but doesn't quite get there. Sollux is on him in an instant, psionics crackling between his horns, forearm pressed against Eridan's throat as he holds him to the wall. 

Its like they completely forget you're right there watching them. They scrap a bit, but for the most part Sollux is in control. He has an advantage, and you've got a feeling that's the problem with their kismesissitude; its unbalanced. He stops every punch Eridan tosses at him. Nearly every swipe of claws. But your violetblooded friend already has a bite mark over his scarred gills, and is starting to shy away. You get to your feet when you spot red and blue rings over Eridan's wrists. The second his long sleeved shirt hits the ground, Sollux goes for the button on his pants.

"Hey." 

Eridan's eyes flick to you at the sound of your voice, but back to his kismesis as his pants are yanked down. You don't step forward though, because Sollux pops back up and brings the highblood in for a rather lengthly kiss. Yes, good, not too rough- It appears you thought too soon because Eridan yelps a moment later, Sollux's claws scraping roughly down his sides, tugging at soft gill slits.

"Quit whining." Sollux hisses at him, and grinds his crotch into Eridan's. 

"Sollux, you need to- fuck!"

Electricity crackles through the air and you know he's already gotten himself too worked up when he grabs Eridan by the horns and with the help of his psionics turns him around so that he's pressed to the wall while only wearing his boxers. 

"You lousy cheat, calm the fuck down before you seriously hurt him!" You jump when a stray spark hits your outstretched hand.

"Sol, wait- ah!" With his free hand, Sollux pulls down the back of Eridan's shorts and gives him a sharp smack. You get to Sollux just as he gets to shoving down his own pants, twin bulges half out already.

"SOLLUX."

They're used to your sharp muttering, but not your actual raised voice. It has the desired affect. Your mustard blooded friend stills, and then quickly let's everything go. He steps away and his psionics disappear entirely, leaving him panting softly and solid eyes darting back and forth between Eridan's still healing hips and your displeased glare.

"I.. Fuck I did it again didn't it?" He takes another step away and Eridan takes the moment to adjust his shorts to cover him again, eyeing his kismesis cautiously as he turns around.

"Almost." You reach out and grab his bony wrist. "But you didn't. We can work on this if you will just calm the fuck down before pailing."

"Kar, I don't mind the sparks so much as I mind those claws a his."

The room is quiet for a moment, but neither of them move to get redressed. 

"We can still keep tryin'." Eridan offers with a shrug, taking his glasses off and setting them on the computer desk next to him. "But just. Maybe slower?"

"How often is Sollux in control?" Its about the only thing you can come up with right now- Him in control means things getting out of hand.

"Pretty much all the time."

"Hey, you've had control!" He snaps, but you notice he's actually thinking about the matter.

"When was the last time Eridan had control, Captor? Judging by his injuries I seen, its been a while."

When he can't give you a date, he goes quiet again, still not taking his wrist back from you even as he pulls his pants back to their normal place once his bulges are back in. 

"Why don't we try this my way then. I'll coach you two through it, and make sure no one loses it."

"I'm pretty sure that's not how an auspistice works, Kar." Eridan pouts a bit, no doubt insulted that you suggested he need help pailing.

"I'm supposed to keep you two from killing each other. If that means me holding your hands while you fucking pail each other, so be it. I'd rather watch you two fuck then find one of you dead or at least perminantly damaged the next night." You offer out your other hand to Eridan. Reluctantly he nods and takes it. "You two brainless, hormone driven oafs need to learn how to do this without beating each other senseless. I can at least catch and stop you if I'm right here the whole time."

You drop Sollux's hand and motion at his pants. "Get those off. Shirt too. We're going to fucking make this work if its the last thing I do tonight."

He shucks off his clothes and the three of you sit on the edge of the coupling platform, Eridan with a bit of an excited bounce. He's pretty adorable when he's genuinely looking forward to something, but you won't tell him. You'll let Sollux do that if he ever gets the shameglobes to fucking say it.

"KK, can you... Maybe undreth too?" You shoot Sollux a negative look but then he pouts. He fucking _pouts_ at you like a wiggler.

"Yeah Kar. Its awkward havin' you all dressed and then just us in our skivvies." Oh no, they did not. They did _not_. They totally just both gave you pleading looks and god fucking damn it! You fold to their wishes.

"Fine! If it keeps you two from being barbaric little shits, fine!" 

You get them set up sitting across from one another on the plush platform, and tell them to 'just fucking touch each other already'. You have to say 'softer' far too many times within the first ten minutes for it to be normal.

"Sollux! No claws! Fuck, we've been over this how many times?!"

"Thorry."

"Don't tell me, tell him."

"Thorry ED."

"You're not sorry."

"I know."

Eridan gets the bright idea to put his hands in Sollux's hair, scritching slowly as he nibbles up the side of the other troll's thin neck. Hands tense on knobby knees, Sollux manages to restrain himself for only a few moments before he starts kneeding sharp nails into Eridan's bare thighs, drawing a low growl from the highblood's throat.

"Sollux. Claws." You scold him again, and he gives you an apologetic look.

"KK, jutht, take them." You narrow your eyes, but he stops Eridan to hold them out to you, thin fingers spread and his eyes bright. "Hang onto my handth tho I can't thcratch him up."

You scoot over to sit behind him, bending his arms behind his head and linking your fingers with his. The position puts him on display for Eridan, who wastes no time diving back down on the mustardblood's exposed neck. You hear a soft gasp escape the body you're pressed against and you lean around to spot Eridan palming the front of Sollux's briefs in time with the licks and sucks on his neck.

Sollux only squirms a bit in your grasp when Eridan's fingers dip under the thin fabric, no doubt coaxing the twin bulges back out before trying to shimmy his briefs down thin legs. Its a good thing your mustardblooded friend weighs next to nothing, the stupid beanpole, since you end up taking all of his weight when he leans back. Eridan flings the black underwear over his shoulder and grins, sharp teeth somehow mildly less terrifying when he looks so damn pleased with himself. You expect him to remove his boxers too, but he holds off, trailing soft nips down his kismesis's chest instead, hands on his hips and away from his now free bulges.

Apparently this is a thing he does, because Sollux seems to figure out the highblood's plan pretty early on, whining a bit but not really fighting until he gets rather low on his torso.

"ED, ngh- wait, wait! ED!" Sollux's head flicks back and you watch him bite back a moan as Eridan delves his tongue into his nook. You can hear him go right to town with that too, all tongue and hot pants of breath against the underside of his bulges.

You keep a tight hold on your friend's hands when you watch Eridan sink down, nose pressed right against sensitive flesh and he slides his tongue in as deep as he can manage it. This time Sollux doesn't manage to catch him self, a low, pleased sound tumbling out of him.

Fuck, they are so flip-floppy its ridiculous and you are totally getting off on it a little bit. You've pretty much decided, even though you know its not your relationship and not your choice, that black isn't going to work for them unless they stay teasing like this. Unless they find and hold onto the balance between being absolute dicks to each other, and being a challenge. 

"Oh fuck, Eridan." Wow, full name even. You spot Eridan's hand that isn't busy holding apart twiggy legs start on Sollux's two bulges, trying to hold them together as he slides his fingers up to the tapered tips and back down again. You know you probably look sketchy as fuck, peering down at Eridan from for Sollux's bony shoulder, but you can't help it. Bucket films have got nothing on these two. Pailstars have nothing on _Eridan_ , holy shit!

Eridan gives a particularily good stroke and meets Sollux's gaze. The result is instant. Thin hips thrust forward, driving Eridan's tongue deeper into the mustardblood's wet nook. He does it again and Eridan fucking let's him, even making a pleased noise of his own. You don't let a kismesis fuck your face. That's not a thing you do. That sort of trust is so red you want to scream at them. Yell at them to fucking flip officially already because how are you supposed to sit here and watch Eridan be so gentle, so thorough with Sollux in way that just doesn't happen in blackrom. You consider yourself a bit of an expert on this shit, so you would know!

When Eridan pulls away he wipes his face quickly before stealing a quick kiss from Sollux, the mustardblood not even complaining about the fluids that are likely lingering on his kismesis's lips.

Their eyes meet again, and Sollux nods shortly, right in front of your face. When Eridan draws away from him however, his legs press together rather shyly, something you never figured Sollux for. It earns him a playful pout that he even chuckles at before you assume he rolls his eyes and relaxes.

"Kar, you wanna help me out a bit?" Eridan flicks his chin at you, his hands rubbing Sollux's shins rather gently as he backs up a bit, only pausing to remove his boxers.

Sollux's back pressed flush to your chest, you lift him onto the tops of your legs and give his fingers a squeeze. Eridan gently coaxes his long legs apart, setting himself between them and fingering Sollux's nook slowly as he slides closer to him.

"Cod, you look so fuckin' perfect like this, spread out for me." You roll your eyes behind Sollux's mess of ruffled black hair. "Ready for me. Ready to please me like a good lowblooded slave."

"Hey!" You snap, glaring over a bony shoulder.

"What?"

"None of that hemonegative bullshit!"

"But he likes it!" Eridan whines a protest and you sputter, but he picks it right up where he left off. "Mmm you fuckin' like it when I tell ya how you're lower than me. How you're lucky to be my bucket a choice."

You're genuinely shocked when Sollux moans and tries to push his hips towards Eridan's waiting bulge. He's not made to wait long, his kismesis pushing into him smoothly and giving a little roll upwards almost as soon as he's fully inside. You feel the motions through the thin form in your lap, and you know your cheeks darken when you realize yeah, ok, that's pretty attractive. Them finally getting to it, _and_ the dirty talk.

"Mmm want my hands on ya yet Sol?" Damn, Eridan can be pretty seductive when he tries. Sollux sneers half heartedly, but can't keep the look up the moment Eridan's fingers tease over his twin bulges, not picking either of them up.

"You dick, why would you-" Sollux gasps when Eridan slides over him again, barely moving his bulge inside him. "Fucking tell KK about the talking thing- oh fuck, no don't, ngghh yeth, thtay right there." He gives a buck into Eridan's hand, breathless already. 

"KK can I- can I have my handth back?" Eridan rocks into him a couple times before you give up your grasp, instead trailing your fingers down his thin sides and holding his hips gently. They're both behaving you suppose, he's likely earned them back by now. You're rather pleased when thin fingers press softly to Eridan's shoulders, briefly looping around his neck as Sollux works to meet his gentle thrusts into him. Sollux leans even closer a moment later, pressing a soft, barely there kiss to the bite mark that you stitched up the other day. If that was an apology, you assume Eridan accepted it by the way he pressed a quick playful peck to Sollux's nose. Its so cute you nearly forget they're in the middle of pailing.

You end up breathing heavily on the back of your friend's neck when Eridan gives a more forceful thrust into him, pressing him to your lap. You know you can't make noise, that'll just make this awkward for everyone if they know how razzed up this is getting you.

With a quiet gasp, Sollux's head falls back against your shoulder and you don't really notice yourself gaze down his chest and to where the two of them come together. Fuck, they are so lucky to have a relationship. Even if its filled with problems, they still have someone they can be so vulnerable around, so raw with. They're fucking gorgeous like this, both of them panting and moaning and just, enjoying each other-

"Kar, do you want in on this?" Oh shit he totally caught you watching. He knows you're getting off on this. Shit shit shit shit! You are so busted! Your denial statement dies in your throat with a nearly silent 'nghh'.

"Hith bulge has been all over my ath for at leatht the latht five minuteth." Sollux turns his head and just smirks for a moment. You find yourself lacking the ability to form a coherent response at first.

"I.. But.. I don't think... Yeah okay, ashen does NOT work like this."

"Don't care. Its workin' pretty fine for us right now, I think." Sollux nods and fuck, they have been agreeing so much since you've been with them tonight, its fantastic. Your bloodpusher swells a bit at the thought that they want you physically in on this too.

Eridan rocks forward softly, purposely pushing Sollux's ass into your lap and against your interested bulge. Fuck if that doesn't feel good and make you want more. You press your forehead against the back of your friend's neck and grind up into him at the same time Eridan pushed forward again. The reaction is instant.

"Th-thit, KK, yeth. You need in on thith." You scoff at him.

"My bulge isn't going to fit in there with Ampora, you dumb fuck. Makes it a bit hard to-" Eridan grins and you stop talking.

"You know Sol's thing with two's?"

Oh, this is totally one of his biggest fantasies isn't it? Having two trolls with him- pailing him. Fuck, these two are your friends, they should not be turning you on this much just by propositioning you.

"He likes havin' two inside him at once."

"Eridan!" Sollux's face is this bright gold colour and you can't help but snicker at how quiet and stiff he goes when he feels you push against his ass again.

"He liked a toy up his waste chute enough the last time I had control." Either of them having pailing aides does not surprise you. The toy likely belonged to Sollux in the first place. 

Sollux's hands leave his kismesis's shoulders to cover his face and you hear him whine rather quietly. But judging by the twitch of his bulges, which still lay on his stomach, rather ignored but requiring attention, he's getting off on Eridan embarrasing him too.

"Really now?" You keep your voice low near his ear, surprising yourself with how different you sound. "Do you want me to do that, Captor?" If you've observed anything else tonight, its that Sollux likes being talked to an awful lot, and that he has mixed feelings about being the center of attention. But he nods, short and sharp and totally embarrassed right now. 

The noise he makes when Eridan pulls out of him and backs away is absolutely pathetic and you roll your eyes when his sea-dweller gives him a quick peck on the lips, as if that will hold him over. 

Apparently there's compartments hidden under the side material of the the coupling platform, because Eridan starts rummaging around once he's on the floor next to the plush structure. You mean to look away quicker, but Sollux catches your chin in his hand, spindly fingers pulling you in for a sloppy kiss. You don't object, sloppy makeouts are always welcome in your books now. Gamzee has rubbed off on you at least that much. 

Sollux though, he's needy and grabby with you which isn't something you're really used to but you can't blame him either. He's had an awful lot of attention on him and now all of a sudden he's being made to wait. 

When Eridan sits back down on the plush cover, he waits and watches the two of you instead of actually doing anything at first. You have Sollux turned toward you, your hands in each other's hair and rather attached at the mouth. He's a good kisser, you'll give him that much. You sort of wonder if Eridan is just as good, and figure hey, you might as well give it a shot if the three of you are all in on this. You move from Sollux's mouth to Eridan's, stretching yourself a bit. He seems mildly surprised at first, but responds soon after, licking at your lips and coaxing your mouth open to him. Yep, he is just as good at that as his kismesis is. 

You break apart when Sollux starts to move his hand towards his bulges-none of that. That's totally your job. 

"Come 'ere babe." Eridan does a 'come hither' motion with his finger and you smirk when Sollux obediently scootches closer to him, legs spread eagerly. 

You kind of feel like you should be the one to prep him, but Eridan's the one who's apparently done this for him before. Besides, his nails are a lot neater than yours now- You made him trim them just the other day so you know they won't harm Sollux. 

You take the moment of having your hands free to remove your boxers, but keep your eyes on the pair of them the entire time. Eridan pops the cap open on the bottle of lube, squirting a good sized glob onto his fingers. You scoot in behind Sollux just as Eridan starts to slick the entrance of his waste chute, going slow and sticking rather close.

You feel your friend tense against your chest and you run your hands down his sides, returning to watching over his bony shoulder. Eridan is ever so careful as he slides a single digit inside, slowly coaxing soft sounds from Sollux while he watches his face for any sign of pain. He doesn't see one until the third finger is inside him, and even then, its sort of a conflicted expression. 'I want this and I know its going to get better, but right now its just not so awesome' look is about the only way you can describe it. Its not a look you expected you'd see on any of your friends to be honest...

"Okay, okayokay ED, nghh, you- you can thop." Sollux bites his lip when he's once again left empty, but you don't see much else because then Eridan scoots around to sit next to you, leaning in for another kiss while his hand slides down your bulge. Holy fuck he works fast.

You end up muttering a bit of quiet praised into his mouth as he works your bulge, coating it in lube while giving you the attention you've been craving since early on in this stupid failure of an ashen escapade.

Again, its Sollux that separates the two of you, pouting and stealing Eridan's hands away from you.

"Hey. Thop that. Get back over here." You laugh a bit when Eridan rolls his eyes. They're more alike than either of them care to admit. Sollux takes control of the situation from there, making you hold still while he holds himself apart and backs up onto your waiting bulge, watching over his shoulder the entire time. Eridan's watching too, mouth open and eyes hazed with lust. Captor carefully slides down onto your length, quietly telling you to stay still a second while he gets used to it. You comply, awestruck at the way his eyebrows come closer together and mouth falls a bit slack. He breathes in sharply, but not in a pained way, and his two-tone eyes flutter closed once he's filled as much as he can be. You'll save your comment about his boney ass for another time because at that moment, you're pretty much consumed by the tight feeling of Sollux around your bulge. 

Nooks aren't this tight fitting, you note, not that your experience is all that vast or anything. But you're having a hard time trying to think enough to even compare the feeling at the moment. Thinking in general is hard. You chew your bottom lip when Sollux rocks back the slightest bit, a puff of warm breath falling from his lips.

Eridan is back between his legs right after that, leaning him back onto you and drawing a noise out of the both of you. He shoots a grin at you over his mustardblood's shoulder, but then busies himself with getting in on the action.

All in all, it goes pretty smoothly. Eridan works his way back into Sollux's nook, and you feel your friend shudder in your lap as he's filled completely. Its Eridan's first shallow thrust in that startles you. The movement slides Sollux up your bulge just the tiniest bit before gravity and Eridan letting off brings him back down to your base. You end up grasping the covers and trying to contain a moan when he does it a second time. Sollux doesn't even bother trying, he moans outright and clutches at his highblood's shoulders.

"Holy fucking shit." You sputter, a hand finding its way to Sollux hip to steady him on you. Your eyes go wide when he puts more power and depth into his thrusts. "Oh god, Eridan," You gasp and try and hold yourself up on one elbow, your other hand slipping around Captor's waist and taking hold of one of his bulges.

He head snaps back and you barely manage to dip your head away in time in order to avoid knocking horns. You're pretty glad the two of them have had a head start, because once Eridan picks up his pace, you feel your finish approaching rather quickly. A bit quicker than you'd like, really. But you've been ridiculously aroused for quite a while before you were asked to join, so really, you supposed there's at least that to blame for your lack of stamina.

"Eridan, fuck," Sollux hisses out his full name again and gets smothered in kisses. His neglected bulge in Eridans hand, he starts to loose any grip he had left on his self control. "KK, oh thit, yeth, jutht like that." You're not even sure what you're doing differently. If anything you just sat up a little more- Sollux's moans get a little higher in pitch and wow, you are not forgetting that sound any time soon. 

"Sol, 'm gettin' close."

"I need the bucket, oh fuck-" Eridan pumps his hand faster and nods in agreement.

"Which one?" ... You nearly miss the fact that they actually have more than one bucket- red _and_ black? You certainly hope that's the case.

"I-I don't know, ngh, jutht hurry."

"I don't think that's how it fucking works." You speak up and Eridan's eyes meet yours, though the mess that is Sollux Captor's spastic hair gets in the way a bit this time. "They don't make buckets for three."

"What?!" Sollux gasps a second later as Eridan drives into him. 

"Oh come on Sol, don't act like ya haven't seen bucketless porn before-"

"You're theriouthly going to-"

"No such thing as an ashen bucket, dipshit. Why even bother pulling out?" You ask into Sollux's ear and you swear the sound he makes is entirely your fault.

You're not even sure how Sollux has managed to last this long, but with a few more thrusts from Eridan, combined with the two of you working a bulge in your hands, he finishes with a hitched breath and a soft, throaty moan, spilling over both you and Eridan's hands. Eridan is on him in an instant, following right behind as he presses their lips together, muffling his own noise. You aren't long after that. With Sollux tight around you due to orgasm, you buck into him once, twice, and finally fill him with your genetic material. He sucks in a breath that you're at first not sure is one of enjoyment. But he shifts a bit, Eridan breathing harshly while still leaning onto him, and turns to grin tiredly at you. He might have said something, but you're a bit hazy and too content right now to really catch it. It might have been a ' _hot_ '. You wouldn't put it past the kinky fucker. The three of you try and catch your breath, calming with time.

"Holy fuck." 

Eridan's voice is strained, and it makes the three of you grin even more. You're all a complete mess, you're feeling a bit crushed under the weight of both of them despite your more sturdy build, and Sollux is probably hella-uncomfortable. 

Eridan eases out of him, peppering his cheeks with soft kisses while his eyes are only half open.

"So fuckin' gorgeous." 

Sollux hums tiredly in appreciation, but makes a mildy displeased face when violet genetic material leaks out of his now empty nook. Extracting yourself from his waste chute is a pretty delicate process, having to go even slower than Eridan did since he's rather tender after the entire escapade. You try not to feel as smug as you do when red runs out after your bulge. 

You assume Eridan brought the tissues with him when he obtained the lube, because he certianly didn't have to even get himself off the bed to find them and start wiping himself down.

He hands you the box once he's clean, but not before pulling you in for a lazy kiss. It seems like both of them like kissing an awful lot. You're not about to complain either. 

You're a rather quick clean, but you can't help watch Eridan attempt to clean up his mustardblood. Sollux swats at his hands lamely, but eventually let's Eridan wipe his nether regions clean. Tissues all end up shoved off the edge of the pailing platform, and the three of you kind of lay there in a fuzzy, post orgasm-high heap. Its stupidly comfortable and warm, even though Sollux is all sharp angles and pointy ribs between you and Eridan. There's a lot of hair-petting. You may or may not have started that, but its nice so who cares. You're happier than you've been in a while now, and definitely hoping they are not up for a second round. Likely not, with how tired you all seem.

Sollux gets to his feet first- how he manages to even stand after all of that, you'll never know. He giggles as he stumbles a bit, offering out his hands to Eridan who shakes his head but takes the offered help anyways. With a clumsy heave, Eridan is upright again, laughing softly before half colapsing into Sollux's arms. The two of them giggle together a little more and you roll onto your stomach while not leaving the pailing platform. A happy sigh escapes you and you don't really mind, content to watch them snicker at each other while they try and stay standing.

"Come on KK," Sollux motions for you to follow as they wobble their way over to his recuperacoon. You know the inside is big, having been made for two just as his one back at his hive was, but you doubt it will fit three so spaciously. The way Eridan hops in assures you this is a thing they've done before. They've slept together before and that warms your bloodpusher more than it already has been warmed this evening. 

Sollux waits for you to stumble over, leaning on the side of the 'coon, nuzzling his cheek against Eridan's from where he stands inside the contraption. They are so fucking adorable, you're pretty sure you're going to die before you get to sleep and it will be entirely their fault.

Captor proceeds to give you a rather affectionate hug before helping you up, not saying a word about your height, thank fuck. Stupid, tall, lanky mustardblood. He needs to fucking eat because his fingers feel sharp against your squishy middle as he just lifts you over the last foot of the 'coon edge. Eridan's right there to ease you down into the slime, reminding you that he too has quite the height difference on you just by standing in the pit next to you. 

You mutter a thank you and the sea-dweller ruffles your already messy hair, flashing you a lazy grin and taking Sollux's hands once more as he flings himself over the top. You wonder if Sollux has trouble controlling his psiioniics post-coitus, since you know him to usually float himself to his 'coon in a humming cloud of red and blue energy. You'll ask him later, maybe.

The three of you sink down in the sopor, heaving tired sighs and shuffling around to make sure all of you fit. Sollux ends up in the middle again, you and Eridan tucked up against him with your heads on his shoulders.

"Athen for you KK," "Ashen for ya Kar." You echo them with ' _yeah yeah, sleep well_ ' but you know they're already busy with each other. No doubt making kissy-faces and giving soft horn-touches. 

You close your eyes because you're not sure you can handle the cute- they're making you blush just thinking about it.

You're nearly asleep when you feel Sollux shift the slightest bit, giving Eridan a soft sqeeze and pressing a kiss to the dry part of the top of his head. They both sigh and you force yourself to stay awake long enough, because you've got a feeling this is important. 

[ ](http://s1138.beta.photobucket.com/user/caitbmw/media/tumblr_m8tmkrIiKj1qe4fcso1_1280.png.html)

"Red for you, you thupid fuck." 

You feel Eridan wiggle his feet happily at the other end of the recuperacoon, giving a squeeze in return. 

"You have no idea how long I've been waitin' for you to say that." 

You snort.

"You have no fucking idea how long _I've_ been waiting for him to say that. Now both of you shut up and sleep before I slip into a sweetness induced coma!" You're met with snickers, a nudge, and a kiss from Sollux on your forehead. You worry only for a minute that them claiming matespritship means they won't need an auspistus, but its _them_. They'll likely need you regardless of their relationship's official nature. They're both idiots, but they will forever be _your_ idiots.

.

**Author's Note:**

> oh man, let me know if I need to tag anything else, or if you find any errors for me to fix! ♥ thanks guys~


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